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本以為考完試一切會安好 但事實我比那時情況更差 融不入新的社會 又回不去那時的生活 感覺好像被遺棄在街頭的孤兒 也許是我不夠成熟 往往希望別人不要視我為大人 也許我也願意當一輩子小孩 想永遠受保護 想永遠快樂 這樣的思想反令我更悲哀更痛苦 自己是知道的 這是永不可能發生的 我想永遠擁有純潔的心靈 神奇地潛意識真的可以令我不去接觸不去聯想 我主動去抗拒接受不良的意識 矛盾的是我其實並不能完全忘記 我這個人最可怕的地方 就是一但記得的事物 多少年我都能記得 可怕的是甚至幼稚園幼兒園時的時我都真的記得 特別是傷心難過的事 還是歷歷在目 不要以為很少事很無聊 這... 卻影響了我整整十八年人 每一刻都痛苦著 我很疲倦了 雖然未到要去了結生命 但真的真的很想忘記一些不想再回憶起的人和事 很想休息 很想離開一下 究竟哪裡才是適合我的世界?

那是我回不去的從前 想哭就哭 想笑就笑 看我擺臭瞼的模樣

請問我以後的路該怎樣走 我找不到前路 一直到現在 到頭來都不是屬於我的地方 人常問我甘心嗎 我說不 但又如何 是我說不還是現實迫我說不 不知所措的我 只想等人教我

總是覺得在同一地方的人,也是活在不同的世界

I've gone to work nearly a week already. Now I am not a student anymore but a part-time salesperson. First, I think it is not too hard and tired,however, I am extremely tired and not willing to do everything. But I have already fallen in love in this job and don't wanna leave. Maybe they brainwashed me. I am so depended on this job. I can't think of anything silly when I am totally in my work. Perhaps it's good for me. Problem is building up. Ways are always two sides. I have no idea which wa to go. Sometimes,I found that Hong Kong has a lot of things that makes me do not want to leave...

Everyday we face many difficulties. When the day started to repeat once and once again, we will feel annoyed. Please don't repeat what you are doing now.

Tomorrow is a big day. Guess what? It's Chem a level exam. I spend most of the time on it. When taking the bio exam, I don't feel any unwell like now. I put too much expectation on it but I feel that it must be the worst one. I feel so tired of it. These two days, I even could not take an eye of it. I tried very hard to read the past paper and I was just sitting until the studyroom closed. I have bad feeling about tomorrow...

Yesterday I went to the supertmarket with mum. We met principal Yuen, my primary school principal. We talked for a while. She still remembers me and my sister. They talked about the problem of education, how difference between the old days and now, how hard to maintain good education...I was listened. When she asked about me, we all found out that I am different. It is good or not, I don't like it. She reminds me that when I was a primary kid, I was afraid of nothing and I protested for everything I want and I thought it was right.Also, I was brave enough to talk to big people. However, yes, I've changed. I don't like to say much word. I don't like to argue. Even I hate talking to strangers as I lost all the confindence. I hate myself every much. I even can not control my feeling. I hate people controlling me. Sometimes I will think what make me changed. People or myself ? Frankly, this two years is the most repugnan. It is tired to find out people's feeling. I can...

不想用言語表達,是我的橫蠻無理,但很煩很嘈,是不是要我覺得你到討厭的地步才肯收口

encourage≠comfort Sometimes I am so tired to hear the word of encouragement. I only feel lonely and annoyed. Yes,yes,it is my duty,it's my work. No one can help. Everyone is doing the same things with you... You are not alone. Of course, I know! You have no need to repeat it once again. What I really need is comfort...not encourage... You may say"You are not a kid ,we can't always comfort you.You have to learn how to deal with it.You can't just sit and wait for someone to help." Actually, I never heard of any comfort word,not even one.Every time I feel sad,I talk to somebody,everytime they push me harder and harder.Always keep working ,keep studying... Time is running very fast. 7days later,I will reborn. Maybe I will not be so pessimistic. Just wanna write down the last feeling about this XXXXXXX exam.

又一次証明我和媽媽心靈相通haha 今日回家決定買兩枝唔同味Dreyer's跟媽媽分享結果我一回家打開fridge就有兩枝一樣既Dreyer's 結果我兩種味都有得食haha

最近很奇怪, 每天除了溫書去考試外, 我整天都呆在電腦前, 等待一個又一個的回應, 不知道為甚麼我總是對回應十分期待, 有時候很快,有時間要隔上一小時才有回應, 雖然大家都不認識, 但對話卻就如識了很久的朋友的問候, 雖然談的只是學術上問題, 卻令我每一刻都充滿期待, 我沒有想太多,只像結交了一個朋友, 也許這是我第一次主動去尋求的友誼, 我覺得太珍貴了,不想失去... 朋友是自己去找的嗎? 從來我只會等別人去認識我 我總不會自己主動 也許這是我朋友圈子不廣的原因 但我又不想抱有期望 因為不想失望而已...